Finding Presence in Grief: Reflections on Loss and Faith with Tom Heaton

In this moving episode of To Be and Do, host Philip Amerson sits down with Tom Heaton for an honest, vulnerable discussion on family tragedy, grief, and the enduring presence of faith. Known for his work as a pastor, preacher, and advocate for mission work in Guatemala, Tom Heaton opens up about an experience few could imagine—the loss of both of his sons, Jose and Manny, to acts of violence. Through memories, tears, and hope, this episode invites us to explore the terrain of heartbreak and the surprising ways grace and community appear in the darkest valleys.

Below are three powerful takeaways from their conversation:

1. Grief is Endured with the Help of Community and Unexpected Kindness

When asked how he coped as a parent and person of faith, Tom Heaton speaks openly of the deep grief and sense of loss that accompany the death of a child, and how, in these moments, the community becomes the face of God’s presence 07:52. He describes being "surrounded by a lot of folks that supported me through that" 08:15, including unexpected supports—from a detective who remained in contact throughout the entire criminal investigation, to friends and acquaintances whose presence offered solace. Tom Heaton's story is a testament to the truth that, while pain cannot be erased, it is eased by the embrace and attention of others—sometimes, from the most surprising places.

2. Faith is Not About Answers, But About Divine Presence in the Pain

Rather than offering platitudes or tidy theological explanations, Tom Heaton rejects the idea of a God who "manipulates, pulls strings, makes things happen" 11:41, especially in the face of such suffering. Instead, he has come to understand prayer not as asking for the impossible, but as "pausing to be present with the one who is always present with you" 12:21. Through his journey, he found comfort in the notion that God weeps with us—God is deeply present in moments of heartbreak, even when the outcome is tragic and inexplicable. As Philip Emerson echoes, finding the heart of God means "bringing your brokenness and seeking God" 20:13, trusting that divine love meets us exactly in those shattered spaces.

3. Let Go of Easy Answers—True Healing Requires Honesty and Compassion

Throughout the conversation, both Tom Heaton and Philip Emerson express discomfort with the "bad theology" often given to those in grief—cliches like "God needed another angel" or attempts to justify loss as part of a bigger plan 14:09. Instead, Tom Heaton insists on simply being present and authentic, acknowledging pain and letting love be the answer: "God is always at work... trying to bring about the best possible good. Sometimes the best possible good isn’t very good, but God is still present with us in those moments..." 15:44. The ministry of presence—showing up, listening, and walking alongside—is sometimes the only true help we can offer.

This episode is a rare conversation—unflinching in its sorrow, yet luminous with hope. Whether you are in a season of mourning or walking with someone who is, the words of Tom Heaton and Philip Emerson invite us to deeper honesty, compassion, and faith in the God who is with us, no matter what.

Learn More

• To support or learn about Mission Guatemala, visit missionguatemala.com
• Want more stories of connection and belonging? Check out past episodes on our blog.
• ABOUT TOM HEATON
• Tom Heaton is a retired United Methodist pastor who served congregations across Indiana for nearly thirty years and later led mission and justice ministries for the Indiana Conference of the UMC.
• He is also the founder of Mission Guatemala, a nonprofit ministry serving rural communities in Guatemala through healthcare, education, nutrition, and community development. His years in Guatemala deeply shaped both his faith and the way he understands prayer, suffering, and the presence of God in ordinary life.
• Tom holds a Bachelor of Science in Communications from the University of Evansville and a Master of Divinity from Christian Theological Seminary. He writes and speaks about faith, prayer, grief, and everyday life with honesty, warmth, and a pastor’s heart.
• email: tsheaton@icloud.com