Who Is the Stranger? Learning to Belong Through Mutual Relationships with Jonathan Massimi (Encore Presentation)
In this heartfelt episode of the To Be snd Do podcast from the Belonging Exchange, hosts Philip Amerson welcome special guests Jonathan Massimi to dig deeply into themes of belonging, hospitality, and the surprising places where genuine community begins.
The episode opens with Ken Medema’s evocative lyrics about the world rushing toward “judgment day,” providing a poignant backdrop for the episode’s exploration of how we encounter others—especially strangers—and how we sometimes unwittingly build barriers rather than bridges.
Learning from Strangers
The conversation takes us through personal anecdotes, beginning with Phil recalling a pivotal lesson from Will Campbell, a Southern Baptist minister and civil rights activist. When faced with Ku Klux Klan activity in Evansville, Indiana, Campbell advised Phil not to view Klan members simply as outsiders or enemies, but to ask their names—to see their humanity rather than their role as threats.” This profound insight shapes the discussion on how “the stranger” can sometimes become the host, opening doors to new ways of seeing the world and to unexpected gifts.
Rethinking Safety and Relationships
Jonathan Massimi reflects on how our early education, with its “stranger danger” warnings, teaches us to fear difference and to locate safety in institutional figures rather than genuine relationships. As a priest and community leader, Jonathan warns of the pitfalls of entering communities with a “fixer” mentality or as an “invasive species,” bringing supposed solutions without building reciprocal, authentic connections.
Backpacks, Coffee, and Mutual Exchange
The conversation sharply critiques well-intentioned charity, using church “backpack drives” and community events as examples. Jonathan and Phil challenge listeners to move beyond one-directional giving—where “help” is offered without relationship or mutuality. They share stories where coffee, conversation, and even vulnerability lead to authentic belonging. Jonathan introduces his “belonging APGAR” checklist, emphasizing: knowing names, exchanging gifts, social standing, and being missed when absent.
Key Takeaways:
- See the Stranger as Host: True belonging happens when we are open to seeing those different from us not as “others,” but as potential friends — even as teachers or hosts.
- Move Beyond Transaction: Charity becomes transformative when it shifts from transactional (giving things away) to relational and reciprocal (exchanging presence, gifts, and stories).
- Cultivate Mutuality: Enter communities gently, like tending a garden, and avoid being the “invasive species” who assumes to know what’s best.
- Practice True Hospitality: Belonging is more than service projects; it is knowing and being known, creating spaces where presence matters and absence is felt.
- Question Institutional "Helping": Institutions and roles don’t guarantee trust. Real relationships are built in neutral places—over coffee, through conversation, and patient presence.
For more resources and to join the conversation, visit belongingexchange.org—and remember, “it’s coffee time again!”
